Dear God
Boy, I sure miss you around.
Dear God, the only thing I ask of you is to hold her when I’m not around. - Dear God (Avenged Sevenfold)
Our Lives
This is a post more suited for Twitter but I want to remember this happy time when I read through my journal. Since its been pretty much emotional knick knacks on the journal for the past 5 months ad counting, I want to remember today before it goes from my working memory to my stored memory. Which makes it hard to delve in and connect consecutive memories due to the information overload that the world is currently experiencing. And worse information overloading is yet to come.. But anyways, yes.. Moving on now..
I don’t remember a time recently when I was happier than right now; sitting in my room, after a long warm bath, after a long visit to Universal Studios with my favourite people in the world.
Every moment was beautiful in its own way.
Thanks for making the day so pink and lovely, Tingems and Clammeh.
Thank you God, for answering my prayers and holding the rain and keeping us safe and well through the
I love you so much baby, for making the day, for your hugs and kisses. I miss your touch right now.
And Clammeh, for just being you ;)
What’s so bad about being happy?
These are the days worth living, these are the years we’re given. These are the moments, these are the times. Let’s make the best out of our lives. - Our Lives (The Calling)
Fall Away
It’s been awhile, lacuna.
Finally school’s out and the holidays are here. It’s been one hell of a semester. And that, is the understatement of the year. There’s only so much words can express out.
Life check:
1. So this semester, I lost a best friend. Yeah, so imaginary friends, if you’ve been reading this, the only thing I’ve been talking about the past 4 months or so is just about that. I doubt anyone reads this besides you (imaginary) guys and my girlfriend.
I’m glad the girlfriend is not imaginary, else I’ll be better off dead mm?
I’m sad the dead best friend is not imaginary though, wish he was though. Then I’ll not have these dreams. These sickening dreams where you are still dead. Why can’t I even dream of you alive? I mean, really. It’s fine that you left me here but why the fuck I can’t dream of you alive? Can I dream of you, singing and jamming with me again? Can I dream of you smiling at me? Can I? I mean hell, I don’t even mind waking up in tears again, just let it be worth it. Let me dream of you alive. God, can I? Is that too much to ask? I miss him so much.
Okay.. I just stopped at the last sentence and drifted for about 20 minutes.
Life check:
2. I still have a kind and beautiful girlfriend. So imaginary friends, the only difference is that she is real. Beat that bitches. She is real, loving, kind, beautiful. Sometimes we fight (like the bad one today) but, usually we are quite lovely. Sometimes I don’t know how to be a boyfriend, she says. Sometimes she is damn harsh on me, I say. Sometimes I don’t do anything, she says. Sometimes I do too much, (like today) I say.
I just had a great idea! Mm, I think I should name you imaginary friends. Hey you! Yeah you, the one with the spikey hair, big tummy, big wide smile, weird, jaws, with the guitar, pretty handsome face, denim shirt, bermudas, blue shoes, porter slingbag, weird ass full back tattoo of jack sparrow, small eyes, Yeah you. I’ll call you Darren. And your nickname is Jaws. Or Jack Sparrow. Is that okay? Oh it is? Cool. You shall be my favourite imaginary friend.
Note to self: Name the rest later.
Second note to self: Get some sleep, Yee Wee. You’re tired.
Third note to self: What was I talking about again?
Fourth note to self: Haha you dumb imaginary friends you guys are waiting for something to happen here right? No. Nothing’s going on. I miss you Darren.
Darren (imaginary friend): What? I’m here.
Huh oh okay.
Something you’ve done that I can’t outrun. You fall away from your past, but its following you. - Fall Away (The Fray)
So on my way to school today, I somehow remembered my dream last night which I somehow forgot.
We were at your place, and I remembered you smiling just as how you always do. I looked around and everything feels the same, but different. The hall, your dad’s karaoke system that we used to jam on..
Sometimes I dream that you are around, just smiling like you always do. Sometimes I dream that you look so different, so perfect, tall and handsome. But even my dreams could not lie to me.
I’ve missed you for so long, I can’t believe your gone.
Fly Away from Here
Just about to leave home for HK. I pray this be as good as anticipated with my dearest girl. I can’t wait. Will miss my bros in Singapore, take good care mates.
Thank you God for blessing my life with good things. Everything came from you and everything is for your glory.
Maybe you and I, can pack our bags and hit the sky - Fly away from here (Aerosmith)
Dear God
Dear Darren,
Its going to be Christmas soon. How’s Christmas like up there my friend? Must be beautiful ain’t it? Just singing praises and doing what we are made to do.
Well down here, things are less than perfect but it’s nice nontheless. I’m going to be spending the first Christmas with Ting and I know it is going to be great. I’m sure Sharmaine still misses you. So please, be there when we finally head Home. I can’t wait to run to you and Jesus.
The band is finally starting. Somehow I managed to get a band together even though I found it very hard to play the guitar again. Probably this is what you wanted and Jesus gave me the comfort and everything that I needed, including the drummer. I know you would have loved it so much if we could jam together with Clam. It is in reality now. The band will be in loving memory of you. And we will jam with you, for you.
I dreamt of you again last night. In the dream you were with us, and I was telling you how much you looked like a friend I lost which is you. Perhaps you are trying to tell me that you are looking down from above and watching me in the cloud of witnesses. Somehow I also found the strength to watch our old videos and I just teared.
I love you very very much Darren. And I miss you more.
Love always,
Yee Wee.
(P.S. you still have weird jaws. Haha.)
While I recall all the words you spoke to me, can’t help but wish that I was there, where I’d love to be. Dear God the only thing I ask of You is to hold her (him) when I am not around, when I’m much too far away. - Dear God (Darren and Yee Wee)
Always
Today is Day 2 without Darren.
I feel I am in this constant state of ‘not being here’ as though my body is just floating through a long dream. Too long.
Things are really different without you here my dear Darren. That is actually an understatement.
No matter how stressing it gets, how tiring, I would never say what I’m about to say now.
School sucks.
You didn’t make life in school beautiful but you simply made everything better in its own right.
I’m sure you were a lot of things to people. But I’m just going to keep it about you and I. You were my escape from negativity, we liked the same music, we loved the same people in our lives and we disliked a few others. Made some enemies along the way, thanks toyou. But also, made so much friendship between us. I’m usually a closed up person. You really have your ways to get right into my heart. I will miss everything we shared, Darren.
I have to stop writing about you man. It’s bringing tears to my eyes again.
I know that one day, I will come to school and get so used to not being with you that I almost feel fine. Almost.
But until that day, I will live in the memories that we have. This place feels of you.
Your assailants will be put in court today for their last hearing. I know you being up there, all these don’t matter. I don’t like them for taking you away but I don’t hate them. I really don’t. So let our mighty Father judge for we are all sinners and who is to say that we haven’t sinned as much as those assailants. I wished I was there on that day itself, I would have gladly took a knife for you. I can’t say that to many, for I’m quite self centered. But for you, in a heartbeat, I’ll protect you with my body.
I’ll finish the race without you bro, keep watching. I’ll make God, you and Curtis proud.
In loving memory, Always.
We’ll pack up our old dreams and our old lives, we’ll find a place where the sun till shines. Yeah I, will love you, always. - Always (Jon Bon Jovi)
In Loving Memory
Hey ace, how’s it up there my dear bro?
I miss you already. It’s so hard to write. I still cannot come to terms with this. I haven’t got a chance to tell you that my sister thought that you were cute, or let you listen to my song that I wrote. I know you will say that it’s good. Just like how you said that I sang well and played well. Even though I’ve only known you shorter than 2 years, the shituations that we’ve been there for each other showed me enough. I remember on Tuesday was it? You said to me and Clam that if anyone were to leave you, you will never get over it easy. Why do you have to test us bro?
We fought, we dreamt and we loved.
Don’t worry, I’ll be dreaming, loving, till I come Home to see you and my boy again. Say hi to Jesus for me, thank him for dying for us so that we have a beautiful place to look forward to after this brief life. I want to see you at the gate welcoming me alright?
I no longer go where the wind blows. I’m coming Home to be with our Father, my boy, and you, my dear bro.
Always, a part of me.
Yee Wee.
I’ll still love you more, tommorow. And you’ll be there with me still. And you always will. - In Loving Memory (Alter bridge)
Better Days
Dear you,
Tomorrow will be the official start of work for you and probably yet another test for us. And I shudder to recall how it was like back when we both were up to our necks with work. I vaguely remember us shouting at each other, screaming at the top of our lungs on the phone till I hear the dawn, throwing blows at each other.
Then again,
I will miss walking through those quiet malls with you, watching you drool at every single item that you already have yet want more of; I will miss laughing with you; hurling insults at each other, till I give in and smother you when you do the ‘whisker’ face when you go “hmph” and your mouth frowns and curl a little into this awkward shape. I will miss lying on your body on the couch at home watching ginger with you; I will miss the many conversations I’m privileged of having; I will miss the fine dining; The hugs and the kisses.
You can’t put arms around a memory. But I know that we’ll find better days.
I pray the days be kind to you; and God be kinder. The nights be shorter and you beloved.
I love you my little windmill, my best friend, my mommy, my love of my life.
And you asked me what I want this year
and I try to make this kind and clear
just a chance that maybe we’ll find better days
‘cause I don’t need boxes wrapped in strings
and designer love and empty things - Better Days (John Rzeznik)
Soldier
I’m running a fever of 121 thoughts per minute. That’s more than two a second. But I have nothing to say. I can’t speak.
You’re livin’ like a soldier who’s caught in the fray. Don’t lose your faith. It’s not so cold. - Soldier (Goo Goo Dolls)
